The Best Reason to Start Running is a Zombie Apocalypse

From Zombieland

Let’s all get ready to hear about zombies! Oooo. So what if they’re passe this year and have been replaced by Gangnam-style? They remain relevant, because this 5-month-old married couple (thank you very much) is watching flicks about these mutilated half-beings now. So please refrain from judgment and pretend zombies are still cool, to help me feel better about myself.

So zombies. I’m getting to be intrigued by zombies’ grotesque appearance and the lessons these half-beings have to offer us all.

When the Mister told me Dawn of the Dead was a statement about consumer culture, I started to be game for the horror movies I’d never dreamed of seeing. When you can have a sense of humor about it, like “Mystery Science Theater 3000” taught me to do, zombie movies can be pretty entertaining.

And the good ones hit on what we, as a society, could have been capable of doing, followed by a hellish reality of how we fell. And I can totally see it. The zombies at the mall look a whole lot like the crowds on Black Friday…except the horror flicks portray less XBox-related casualties than we see in the trampling hoards of holiday shoppers today. Zombies are pretty good reminders of what we shouldn’t be — slovenly buffoons who loaf through life, taking what they’re given, and then some.

Like us, zombies are fallible. They’re not the scariest of scary, so I have an easier time stomaching their temporary existence as we trekked through “Walking Dead” this weekend. (Quick tip: Start with the second season. The new writers are way better.) They’re really dumb, and it’s kind of your fault if you get caught by a zombie, because they’re laughably slow.

Have you guys ever seen Zombieland? Rule #1 of staying alive in Zombieland is literally, “cardio.” Not only are zombies a good reminder not to follow the masses, but they remind us that there’s a little thing called survival of the fittest, which will be important, should the apocalypse ever hit. That’s right, I’m choosing to take a distopian portrayal of the future of humanity as a scare tactic to get/stay in shape. And given the current rate at which I’ve been clogging my arteries with company donuts and office lunches out, I’m pretty confident I wouldn’t as fare well if the “walkers” were to arise from the dead as I’d like.

Even the CDC has survival tips in the event of a zombie apocalypse. So it must be a relevant health issue, right? Or they made a brilliant PR move. Either way, after seeing a particularly chubby bloke fall while scrambling and get consumed by monsters, I took it upon myself to whip out the old Calorie Count app. I’m looking forward to checking out SlimKicker soon for a fresh take on fitness/diet tracking.

And running. That’s something I should probably start doing again. As soon as this “Frankenstorm” is over, I’m hitting the pavement. For now, I’ll continue to “study” the best ways to survive a zombie apocalypse via at-home entertainment. And I can sit back and enjoy shouting things like, “You should have run faster, big guy! You should have run faster.”

This entry was published on October 28, 2012 at 1:42 pm. It’s filed under Fall, Groom's Corner, love, Married Life, Our Story and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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