I Feel It All

Today may very well be the best day of my life, I thought to myself, as I sat next to Future Husband on the couch. There was nothing extraordinary about it, by any stretch of the imagination. We had gotten up together, driven into work, gone on our customary coffee run, put in a hard day’s worth of work and then I had run beneath the overcast skies with Vin. I had fit in a good catch-up conversation with a friend and then we ordered dinner from Mise en Place, the restaurant around the corner, and vegged out in front of a new show we’ve starting watching, “Sons of Anarchy.” (*Note to readers: This is not a family-friendly show and I have, on occasion, had  to close my eyes or leave the room.) And yet, despite the uneventful nature of the day, everything seemed clearer, brighter, better than ever before.

Always looking on the bright side of life. Unlike my poor crocus, at least I can enjoy the little buggers my neighbors grew, which are thriving.

There’s beauty in routine, I thought, as my mind began to wander while we watched the motorcycle gang kicking butt and taking names. I snapped back into the show as the main character, Jax, began to read from his father’s manifesto:  “Most human beings only think they want freedom. In truth they yearn for the bondage of social order, rigid laws, materialism, the only freedom man really wants, is the freedom to become comfortable.”

I’m one of those human beings the Sons of Anarchy are revolting against, I thought. I live one of those lifestyles they refuse to buy into. I crave the bondage of social order and value socially constructed customs like marriage (though, to be fair, many of the characters do too). That’s what makes me so happy, I realized, the liberation from uncertainty.
As a teacher in  Harlem, I had felt like I had lost a sense of social order, because the underprivileged children my heart cried out for did not have structure or consistency at home and I failed to meet those needs for them in the classroom. And in turn, I began to lose my way.

Fabric flowers: Imperfect time-wasters, but making them made me extraordinarily happy.

Now I live in Rochester though, where the living’s easy, and I sometimes feel guilty in admitting that I’m much happier. Here, I have a rewarding 9-to-5 job and a comfortable life, and I’m constantly inspired push myself further. It’s a lot like the psychologist Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs pyramid. I’ve surpassed the basic needs of physiological, safety, love/belonging and esteem and am off in the self-actualization realm. Hence my newfound attempts at creativity since I’ve moved home.  I’m happy residing within the nurturing and guidance of society, because it allows me to set my sights on the stars and to hopefully, one day, do truly amazing things for the greater good.

This entry was published on April 13, 2011 at 8:47 pm. It’s filed under The Engagement and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

One thought on “I Feel It All

  1. jaime on said:

    What a perfect thing to read before I go to bed :) love reading your blogs!!

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